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I grew up in a dysfunctional family. 

You may think, “Didn’t we all?” 

If so, this article may be especially helpful to you. 

I did not experience physical or sexual abuse but I did experience verbal abuse and neglect.

I have wondered why God allowed my family to disappoint and hurt me so much. But I realize now that God used my family dysfunction to bring me to Jesus and to teach me what behaviors I didn’t want to repeat as I raised my own children.

When I think about what drew me to Christ I am reminded of Joseph’s life which is told in the last 13 chapters of Genesis. Joseph’s brothers had sold him into slavery due to jealousy, but God was with Joseph through his trials in Egypt, eventually leading him to become a high-ranking official.

Genesis 50:20 contains some of the final words of Joseph to his brothers after their father’s death. Joseph told them "You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives".

Joseph’s statement is an example of the Biblical concept of divine providence—that God can work through evil intentions and actions to achieve His purposes and bring about good. This was true in my life like it had been in Joseph’s. It was my turbulent childhood that led me to Jesus. 

Both of my parents were very anti-Christian. They were okay with other religions like Buddhism, atheism, Judaism, New Age, Daoism, and self-help approaches. Only Christianity made them mad.

They had a lot of books on their shelves about the above topics but only one Christian book. It was a very old King James Version of the Bible that my father had received from his Sunday school teacher when he was a kid.

My dad taught me and my brother from the book The Passover Plot by Hugh J. Schonfield at the dinner table. This book contained multiple theories to explain Jesus’ resurrection as anything but a miracle. Shonfield argued that Jesus was a mortal man who planned his own death and resurrection. He posits that Jesus, believing himself to be the Messiah, deliberately planned his crucifixion, arrest, and resurrection based on Old Testament prophecies. 

It includes ideas such as the “swoon theory” that Jesus didn’t really die but went into a “swoon” from which he was able to awake and then roll away the rock in front of the tomb and get past the Roman guards who watched the grave and thus appear to be resurrected. Of course this theory is harder to believe than the idea that God can do a miracle and raise His Son from the dead.

Interestingly, all these decades later, my Dad is still trying to convince himself that the Bible and Jesus’ story can’t be real. Recently he told my husband who was discussing scientific proofs of God’s existence that even if my husband convinced him of God’s existence he would not believe and change the way he was living. 

My parents were not happy people. I began to wonder if there was a correlation between their rejection of Christianity and their unhappiness and anxiety. 

During my youth my parents never took me to church.

I knew some Christian friends in High School and asked if I could come to their church and youth group with them. They said yes and invited me to go on a youth retreat where the speaker talked about proofs of the resurrection. Thus God graciously provided me with information that would counter what my Dad had taught me.

I became a Christian at that retreat when I understood that Jesus was someone who truly loved me and whom I could count on - unlike my family. 

When I started going to church and youth group regularly my parents were not happy. My mom was especially hostile. Once she came to pick me up from church in her gym clothes which included very short shorts and sneakers. She came inside and made a big scene asking for me and was very mad that I had been a few minutes late getting out of church.

God used my childhood to show me that even though I could not rely on my family I could rely on Him and turn to Him with my struggles. When people hurt or disappoint me now I am reminded of the contrast with Jesus’ perfect love and it makes me turn to God with my pain.

We all experience situations in our lives that are painful. It is helpful to remember that God can use even the hardest trials and suffering to draw us to Himself and to teach us lessons that He wants us to learn. It is reassuring to know that God is in control of everything that happens to us and that no trials or suffering occur outside of His plan.

Romans 8:28 states “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.”

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The grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men. It teaches us to say no to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age.                                                                                        Titus 2:11-12